Shockingly, the title of this post isn't about my husband flying in the air. Instead, it was my turn today.
One of the cool things about Charleston AFB is how they involve spouses with things on base. Every year, they do a "spouse flight" for the flying spouses on a C17. Somehow, until today, I've never actually been on one. Isn't that weird? Its like not knowing where my husband's office is, but in this case, a plane is his office. Does that make sense?
This is a few of my friends from our 15th squadron that flew with me.
The plan was to fly us (about 50 women over 2 jets) out to a different location, drop us off, and do a special airdrop showing. Then, we were to get back on the jets and fly around downtown which is the part I was most looking forward to.
This the "puke bag"they gave each of us ahead of time- just in case. I thought it was funny, "don't be embarrased…" HA. Thanks Air Force for the advice. Thankfully none of us on my jet needed it despite the bumpy flight.
Since we started the flight with a little jet problem and less than fantastic weather, plans changed right away. We didn't end up getting to land at all or fly downtown, so instead we got a little show of our own. The crew opened the back twice while in the air which was awesome! Don't panic Mom. We were safe in our seat belts.
Unlike this guy during deployment…
We didn't get to see much from all the clouds, but it was still pretty amazing to be flying with the back open. I now get why the Giant loves his airdrop flights. And, no, we weren't as high up as he was here nor did we have anything dropping out the back so the adrenaline rush was definitely not the same, but I get it. It was cool.
This picture below shows you what we saw. It wasn't that white from the sunshine. It was just that white from the clouds. Of all the days for hot and sunny Charleston to be cloudy…
Oh well, it was still pretty awesome to see my husband's 'office.' :) I'm so glad he could be home today and have a daddy/daughter date downtown while Mommy spent a day in the air. Too bad I don't have any pictures from their day. From what I've heard, it was just as fun.
The time finally came for me to learn one of the hardest parts of being a military family. I knew the day would come eventually but I definitely didn't see it coming this soon with one of my dearest Charleston friends.
Moving to a new town is never easy. Moving to a new town with a husband that deployed within a month of moving, that is even less appealing. Thankfully, within a short time, I met a small handful of ladies from our deployed squadron that made me feel at home even while our husbands were away. One in particular, Alison, we quickly grew close sharing stories of our young daughters over coffee and shopping.
With a few months notice, the day finally came to say our final 'see you later's. There are no goodbyes with us military folk, yall. Alison, her husband Kevin and daughter Kalina have been stationed at the Pentagon, and I couldn't be happier for them. Still sad but very happy for them. I will miss them dearly.
I guess this is just part of what we signed up for. It takes a little getting used to the idea that everyone I grow close to will sooner than later leave, but so will we as the 'game' continues. I am grateful for the friendship that I gained with Alison and the others that have formed since being here. I'll get used to saying "see you later" at some point.
More importantly, wow who will I drink Starbucks with?! Ali I sure will miss you.
I've lost track of when I've heard from the Giant last. I don't think I realized how spoiled I actually was hearing from him in some way every few days before. Now I know. This is not me complaining, but this is me working it out so I can sleep.
Tonight I miss him. Clearly, I miss him every night, but I just try not to think about it. I shut that thought part off at moments when I'm just not sure I'm in a good place to handle it. I do things to ensure that I don't add the extra worriful thoughts on myself. I don't watch war related news. I instinctively turn the channel or leave the room. I pray LOTS. I send up little prayers pretty much at every hour of my day. I have even sent him good thoughts and vibes, because I figure, what can it hurt? No idea if that stuff works, but shoot, I don't care. It makes me feel better so I imagine I'm sending him some of my rest or laughter or alertness. Whatever comes to me that I think he might need at the time, I think it in his direction. Ha! Instead of thinking how far away he is, I tend to imagine all of the amazing places he's seeing at that moment of where all he's been. Places that one day he'll pin on map and tell Cheyanne stories about. I think of how beautiful even the desert mountains would look from his viewpoint in the sky- even if right now he wouldn't admit it because he's just plain tired of looking at it. At Christmas I didn't watch any of the troop greetings or welcome home clips. You know what I'm talking about.
I go on with our life like I'm supposed to. Cheyanne never knows the difference of my heart. If I get sad, I only get sad after bedtime. That's my me time.
So, tonight I miss him. Tonight, my minds wandering. I thought if I blogged about it, I could clear my head faster and sleep. I think tonight instead of being sad, I think ill just smile because I know I'm one day closer...
....
Yep. That did it :) Goodnight friends!
Love, an Airman's wife
Finger nails growing and a mostly clear face? (Don't judge the absolutely no makeup look I'm rockin'- it was necessary for effect- and I'm lazy)
It can only mean one thing!
We're at the half-way mark of the Giant's deployment!!
Holla'!!!
Three things DO. NOT. HAPPEN when the Giant is away. One- I don't sleep. Between being a military wife and a mother to a toddler that does not yet appreciate the beauty of sleep, I just don't get much rest. Two- my nails don't grow. I'm pretty sure that its just physically impossible, I think they actually shrink back or immediately just crack the minute we say goodbye. Nerves… (and now I'm wishing I had waited to paint them after the picture so you can see how long they actually are!) and Three- No sooner than his plane's wheels lift off the ground, do I suddenly look more like a pre-teen middle schooler going through major hormone changes than an actual 26 year old woman despite my best efforts.
The light at the end of the tunnel is starting to shine brighter around here y'all!! Join me as I do my happy dance!
and you'd almost be right. Actually this is all for feeding Airmen at our pre-deployment early Thanksgiving dinner that I'm having tomorrow for the guys. All this plus a big ol' turkey and ham in the fridge.
The time is coming up so quickly. I am a little afraid to shut my eyes in that as soon as I open them it will be time to say goodbye see you soon all over again. How have the last two months flown by so quickly? I'm actually not ready to think about that yet. I can't. I'm not there. I'm living day to day with my Giant and our Giant friends that we've made soaking up all I can of loud stinky men in the house before they all fly away. Whoever thought a house with a baby could be quiet? I'm not looking forward to that day that's right around the corner. For now, I'll cook. I'll cook every holiday food that my Giant wants.
Anybody know how to cook a ham? I haven't the slightest clue!
I have not given a solo update on my Giant in a long time! I'm sorry about that. Its not that nothing has been going on with him, trust me. Far from it. I think that things have been so all over the place, that it was just easier to not discuss it and wait for it to all be over and then update. But, he really does deserve his own post. And since I've had so many of you asking me recently, I thought, "Oops... I should really get on that!" So here I am on it.
He is 3 weeks from his Lackland AFB tech school graduation. Time has slowly flown by during this stretch of training. Oxymoron, yes I know. He has exceeded expectations and has a 96% average in his classes. He was appointed class leader in this current one he is in. He was also chosen to be a "green rope" which means he is in charge of his dorm floor, similar to his duties when he was a dorm chief in basic. A new term in his everyday vocabulary is "voluntold." His definition of this word is "to be assigned something which is meant to be voluntary and not desired." He's made quite a name for himself with his instructors which I think will really help him down the road.
Yesterday, he had a test to pass his current class. With a 93, he passed with flying colors. YAY Hubs!! You get your geniusness from me, you know? After every class, he takes a final test then moves on to the next class. There is lots of pressure put on these tests from the Air Force, his instructors, and from himself. Last week, a new law was passed that takes away any second chances to pass them. Basically, you fail, you're out. Not that that is even a possibility for my genius man that is working his tale off every day. I swear all the boy does is study, study, work out, study, PT, study, talk to me, green rope duties, and study more. I assume somewhere in there, he finds time to eat and sleep. After Texas, he will begin his traveling part of tech school for a while. We're not sure details of that part yet, but we will in the coming weeks.
So, anyways, that's my update right now on him. Honey, keep up the good work. Your family is proud of you. Very proud. This challenge is almost over and then on to the next step of the adventure. And then, one day, we'll all be together again. I sure hope time flies.
for the Giant tomorrow. I know this is a little late, but tomorrow morning at 8am Texas time, the Giant has a very important test for his class that I am asking prayer for. He is very nervous about it due to the nature of it. He has been studying constantly for the entire week of cla, but a lot weighs on this exam. He has an hour to complete it and will find out his score immediately afterward. So, if you are up and at 'em at that time, please send a little prayer up for him. Thank you friends.
I love the month of February. For one, it is the shortest month, which is perfect as the following month is extremely important. Two, it means that these cold winter months are coming to an end, Hallelujah praise Jesus! And three, winter is almost over. Oh wait, that was number two. Well two or three, this is mucho importante to me. I seem to just wait through December and January to finally reach February. And I'm not a super patient person. And by not super I mean not. at. all. I can't stand being cold. Even the slightest chill will send me spiraling out of a fantastic mood. So, come on Air Force! Send me to Hawaii! Or at least somewhere more south of the equator.
On this subject, we should be finding out any day now where our new home will be. I could have said this same statement last week. It hasn't changed much. Supposedly it is posted on the Giant's personal site, but due to some unforseeable technical difficulties, he has been unable to access it...GRRRRR! Again, not so patient. You know that whole military "Hurry up and wait thing" that everyone complains about? For once, I am completely okay with it. I don't mind one bit hurrying up to find out our destination and waiting for it to happen. I am d.y.i.n.g. to know at this point. We have been praying for so long on this. And knowing now today or tomorrow won't change it in the slightest, but just knowing...ah just knowing is really all I want. Again, I don't know why I'm so obsessed with finding out right now. We still have 5 or 6 months before any moving happens. And really if it is somewhere like freakin' Antarctica, well then I'll just have 5 or 6 months to dread it. (PS Hubs if it is somewhere like freakin' Antarctica- first you'll owe me, then second I won't really be too upset as long as we're all together again- it is all an adventure). Yes, yes... an adventure. But Lord, please allow it to be a warm adventure. Or if it is not a warm adventure, please at least allow it to be an exciting and beautiful adventure that will take my mind off of the coldness that might be there.
I was reading through Meet the McQuiddys the other day and read a post that about jumped out and slapped me in the face. It happened to be on a day that I was extremely stressed about this subject of moving. Coincidentally, Kristin had been going through something similar, waiting for her husband's Naval orders to come in and finally receiving them only to find that they are being sent to their last pick on their dream sheet. She had such an inspirational take on her situation. As I read it, I felt God saying me to, "See Molly, I will take care of you. I have a plan." Reading her post inspired me to trust God a little more than I have been with this. As if anything I want to happen will happen if it is not His plan. I know that no matter where we are sent, it will be exactly where He wants us to be and we will be there together (most of the time...). He will provide for us and prepare us for all He has in store. How exciting. All I have to do is continue to wait. I've got the easy part of all this. I'm just along for the ride. And Cheyanne, well she'll be my adventure buddy.
You know I'll be blogging the news as soon as we hear. My fingers will still remain crossed for tomorrow... until then... I wait.
Proverbs 16:9
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."
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Update: We found out that we will not be finding out our destination for about a month due to delays in his aircraft assignment. Bummer. And I also got fussed at by the Giant that I will not be sharing our destination right away due to blah blah blah reasons. Poop on my parade! I'm still learning my new role. I know you are disappointed, ha. At least I am!
Let me start by just saying, this post is picture overload. Enjoy.
Picking up after the Honor Grad/ Coin Ceremony, we had the Giant all afternoon to ourselves on base. Unfortunately though, as we did every day that we were together, we had to return him to his dorm by 7:30pm. Talk about ramped emotions. Try seeing your Love for the first time in 2 months, getting reacquainted as a family for a few hours trying not to think about what was coming, then having to say goodbye all over and send him back at night to sleep by yourselves FOUR times. Not easy. But those hours together as a family made it all worth it.
Friday was his graduation parade.
His parents and brother had flown in pretty much just for this day, so I had help with Peapod during the ceremony. She was such a good girl the entire time. She even let her Grandma hold her during it allowing me to take pictures and video finally. Good girl! Not a peep, even with the little girl next to us screaming her lungs out.
Her Daddy sure looked good as he marched by us, didn't he?
After the graduation, we again had to go "find" him.
Somewhere in there.
Chey got him first.
This was the first time his family had seen him.
I think they were just as surprised at his appearance as I had been, but at least they were warned ahead of time.
They congratulated my starving Hubs by taking us all to his favorite place, Ruth's Chris Steakhouse.
Sorry for the horrible photo quality. It is a picture of a picture via phone. Best I can do on the fly.
Y.U.M.m.m.m.m! Oh I could just die for those delicious mushrooms! Salivating is an understatement right now. Anyways, off the food topic as my hips and arss can't handle the idea of any more food at this point. So, we ate (and ate and ate- mHmm)... and then...
We made it to the Alamo. If you haven't been to the Alamo, maybe you are like me in what you imagine it to be. You see the old John Wayne movies of the Alamo in the middle of the desert, open land, dusty, cowboys shooting at Indians wrong story somebody shooting at somebody else hiding behind a water truss. Well, nope, wrong. It is literally smack dab in the middle of downtown. Literally. Roads circle the outside walls, hotels towering over it. Its like this little mini fortressed lush island (no water surrounding it, but oh wait there is a creek that runs through it...) hidden by commercial properties. Very unusual. Davie Crockett is probably rolling over in his grave right about now.
By about half way through the Alamo, I was itching to get my Giant to myself again, to spend time just the 3 of us. Its been a lo-o-o-ong two months. So, as it was time for a little someone to eat and take a nap, my little family headed back to base to spend a few hours to ourselves before we said our nightly goodbye.
Let me say though, the time we spent with the Giant In-Laws was the best time we had spent all together for as long as I can remember. Probably ever actually. We just really enjoyed being together and I know the Giant was so pleased to have them there. I don't think I can thank them enough for making the long trip out. So, if you are reading this Giant In-Laws- Thank you!
On Saturday, I was able to go pick him up first thing in the morning and I had him for the entire day. We joined his family for lunch then said our goodbyes as they had a plane to catch.
We had a fantastic rest of the day together. Sunday too. We were able to go to church, the chapel he had been attending during basic. Once again, Peapod was wonderful the entire time. Something about church always intimidates me with her. She could scream bloody murder anywhere else and I'd handle it just fine. But, I stress so much about her being in the church service. I don't really know why I do since every time we have been, she is so good and sleeps through the majority of it. She slept on her Daddy's lap the entire time. I think that made us all very happy.
After a very emotional few days, Sunday came with extra added emotion. No matter how happy we were spending time together, the end of the day came way too fast. We geared up all day for that night. It was our final goodbye for the trip. 5:30 came and so did the floods. I slowly drove him back to our dropoff location and held it together as best I could. Which was not very well at all. Those four days had flown by way too fast. It seemed like I had just seen him for the first time and then we had to say goodbye again, a real goodbye. This time for who knows how long. I won't or can't describe how I felt at this moment. Sad. Heartbroken. Ugh. Yeah those touch on it. You can imagine how the rest of it went, can't you? . As I watched him march down the 20 minute path to his dorm, farther and farther away from us, I felt myself losing it. After taking a few moments to get it together, it was just Peapod and me again to continue down this adventurous road.
Peapod and I had a fantastic trip to San Antonio Texas to see the Giant who is now the Giant Airman! He made it through 8.5 weeks of hell and graduated with honors. He was awarded Honor Graduate while finishing in the top five percent of 700 airmen. Even bronchitis and a temperature of 102.5 that landed him in the ER his final week didn't slow him down.
I'm going to break our trip into a few different posts so it doesn't drag on. Here are our first days of the trip.
At 11pm the night before baby and I flew out, I got a collect call from him letting me know he had been admitted (and later discharged) from the base hospital with a fever and what we thought was the flu and strep turned out to be severe bronchitis. I knew he had been sick most of the time he'd been there with something or other as germs flew through the flight, but things had gotten much worse by our last phone call Sunday prior. Fast forward to this night of the phone call, 8 hours before I was boarding a plane to head his way... After being discharged by the hospital, he was put into the sick dorm 319th. After our 11pm phone call, I didn't hear from him again until right before his Thursday coin ceremony. Yeah, that was 2 days of being a mile away from him on base and not knowing how he was, where he was, or what was going on. Fun. But thankfully, after 48 hours of antibiotics, he was feeling well enough to return to his 321st flight and graduate along with the rest of them. I, in the mean time, had been staying in a temporary housing hotel on base. Baby and I took Tuesday and Wednesday to explore the base. Thursday, even though very cold and windy, was the most special day. It was the first day we were able to see him at the Honor Grad and Coin Ceremony. I wasn't able to get many pictures or video during the ceremony because I had to keep the baby bundled away from the wind.
But after the whole ceremony, we were told to "go find your airman." So, that's what we did. He wasn't allowed to move until I found him and touched him to "release" him. Finding him was the best feeling in the world. From that moment on, I don't think we let go of each other all weekend while we were together. I hardly recognized him to find him, my Giant is a skinny Giant now. Getting sick just prior didn't help him in this area. For the first time since middle school, he weighs under 200 pounds. Seriously. For you who don't know him personally, this is shocking. He was almost 300 pounds when we met in 2007. In November 2009 when decided to apply for the Air Force he weighed around 290. He had to drop 70 pounds to join. He did this by March. Maintained 225 until September. Was 213 the day he left for basic on November 23rd. And now weighs under 200.
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And, side note, all my worrying prior to the trip about Cheyanne flying was a waste of time. I could not have a better baby! She is a fabulous flier. Not a single cry the entire day. She smiled so much that even the flight attendant picked her up and carried her around during the long flight. Although she didn't go far- Mommy didn't want her too close to all those germy people.
My good girl! She flew with Mommy all by herself and was perfect the entire way. Thank you God!
a dream catcher. Maybe that will stop these horrible nightmares I've been having for the last month. After having a conversation on this subject earlier today with my mom who knew exactly how I felt, I thought I'd share and see who else has these kinds of fearful dreams. The kind of dreams that leave you so traumatized that it stays with you for years, or in my mom's case 40 years. I think I will be in the same boat in 40 years with these doozies. I can't remember the last time I woke up feeling good about a dream. Let's see. The most "famous" ones aka the ones that habitually shows up lately with the same overtone just with different plot lines, I am at basic training with the Giant and it is very clear I don't belong. Exhibit A, I am running PT and my BDUs (pants) keep falling down or my entire dream will be me running sprints along the length of a field with a drill sargent yelling in my ear the entire time...non.stop.the.entire.dream, or (oh this is a good one) I'm there with my daughter in tow trying to find my husband while training and being yelled at with her in my arms. Or my non-military dreams, for example, I am loading the car after shopping and forget that I put the baby carrier on the roof (why on the roof I have no idea). I (as I'm sure you can predict) then drive off with her on top of my car. This horrible dream has actually reared its ugly head so much that I now unconsciously check the backseat as I drive to make sure my baby is indeed back there. Hmm perhaps I should interject this thought and make it very clear that I in actuality have never and will never put my baby on the roof of my car. So there is no confusion here. These are just dreams people. No social services ringing my doorbell please.
So, do you have a dream that has stuck with you through the long haul, despite any attempts to forget it? Its funny, I bet the Giant is having the same nightmares of being yelled at by instructors nonstop. Oh wait. That is his reality right now. Poor boy.
Speaking of the boy, I heard from him on Sunday! And yet again, he worked his ass off all week to win another 30 minute phone call. I am so proud of him! I told him that I would not be upset if we don't get another phone call like this, my attempt to take off any pressure he might have put on himself to win those calls. But, between you and me, I am so full of crap. I LOVE my phone calls with him! I know I'm getting "spoiled" with my 30 minutes a week call with my husband. I've already gotten more calls from him than we were warned we'd have before he left. I try so hard not to get my hopes up just in case he doesn't get to call, or maybe he's had a bad week and doesn't have more than a minute to talk. So far, none of that has happened. My fingers are crossed so tight, I think the blood flow is being restricted. He is doing so well! His job is very demanding and he's still getting a lot of slack for his poor performing squadron, but his spirits sounded better. He talked on and on about how many letters he has been getting and how much he enjoys reading them. He explained how they get mail so I thought I'd share in case you are interested too. (I like to get visuals of everything he is doing). So, everyday, they all have to sit in a large room on the floor with their eyes down. (Side note: they are never allowed to look their instructors in the eyes). The instructor stands in the center and calls out names and throws the letters in front of them. He said the best part of his day is when he hears his name called. And apparently, he has been averaging 2-3 letters a day. Not a single day has gone by without a letter for him. Awesome! You all are the best friends that anyone could ask for! So, they have to earn "letter time" meaning time to actually read their mail, which apparently, his squadron has not been doing. He said it ranges from 1-5 minutes most days. That sure doesn't leave him much time to actually read or write.
His job as dorm chief gives him a lot of added responsibility, which continues to increase. He reports back to his commander every night on his squadrons performance. He is at the top of his squadron. Then he has 4 guys underneath him to help him manage his squadron. Then there are all the other trainees in the squadron. He is having the hardest time with squadron moral. He said that because many of the guys are younger and immature, he is a little lost on how to motivate them to work as a team. How do you motivate someone who doesn't seem to want to be motivated? My question to that of course is, then why in the world did they join? Our military is a voluntary entity. Why would some young kid who doesn't want to get told what to do join something where for the next 4-6 or more years, your one job is to do what you are told to do? Doesn't make sense to me at all. So I sympathize with his frustrations. Yeah, patience and understanding...not my strongest virtues. Of course though, that's why I'm at home tucked in my bed missing my husband, instead of having the roles reversed and it be me lying on a bunk bed spending my days getting yelled at, motivating 50 individualist young men. No not me.
So, anyways, that's part one of my update. I'll find the energy at some point before what I hope is next Sunday's phone call to give you the other vigorous details. I know you are dying to hear (slight sarcasm here). I am exhausted, and yet I am in no hurry to jump into whatever dream is waiting for me on the other side in sleepyland. Will it be boot camp again? Missing baby? Something new that my mind hasn't even come up with, something that will keep me up for the next 40+ years? Awesome.
Goodnight my friends.
This is Cheyanne's new way of sleeping. She covers her face. And yet she cries in the morning with her "in shock" cry that she can't see when she wakes up.
why I'm feeling the way I am. Nights are the worst. During the day, I'm usually fine. No, more than fine. I'm usually feeling great. I enjoy playing with my baby. I hang out with my mom. I work on little projects. I am good. But then it seems, as soon as I lay the baby down to sleep, I fight my emotions. I guess sad is the best word to describe this feeling. Stressed. Heavy. Lonely. Just plain sad. I try not to be. I don't know what really brings it on. I think its when I actually have time to think to myself. When I want to just tell him about my day or about little girl's day, but I can't. Instead I write it all down. I write it to him, as if he were here. I keep myself and my mind busy all day, saying little prayers throughout the day for my husband, but then at night, I hit a lull. I'm not trying to say "Whoa is me" or anything like that. I'm just realizing this trend though. Nights are hard. I'll be fine, but just at this moment, I'm lonely.
But of course, I can't stay lonely long because I have this little face to keep me company!
Did I tell you however I got 15 minutes of fast talking on Sunday with my Husband? I don't think I did. Well Sunday he called! We got 15 minutes to talk. It was the greatest but fastest 15 minutes. Apparently, the Air Force is now required to give all recruits one phone call a week as able, ranging from 1 minute to 15 minutes. They earn their minutes throughout the week. Thus we got all 15! I had a list of discussion topics ready for whenever he called. Things that I needed his input on first, then we were able to just catch up. He is doing really well. He is in the highest position in his flight,"dorm chief," responsible for all of the other recruits. This is great, but a HUGE responsibility. And unfortunately, with this position comes a lot of attention, positive and lots of negative. Anytime a recruit in his flight gets in trouble, so does he, since he is ultimately responsible for them. That keeps him very stressed. Physically, he is at the top of the flight, which we expected. But, he said the hardest part for him now is all mental. I think it is harder on him psychologically than he anticipated. And he is averaging about 3-4 hours of sleep a night, so that doesn't help. I don't know if he was trying to sound positive just for me or not, but I could tell how tired he was and how much he missed us. That part of the conversation was hard on both of us. He told me to be sure to thank everyone who has sent him notes and cards. That has been so wonderful for him. He said it such an encouragement and to please keep them coming. Even though he doesn't get much time to read them or write back, he said it is so greatly appreciated. SO thank you! I don't know who all has, but it means the world to him and me too to be so supported.
I will be fine, I have no question about that. I just had to write out how I am feeling tonight. Tomorrow's a new day. And tomorrow, I'll wake up like I do every morning, say a little prayer for my husband to have a successful and safe day, and thank God for our little girl that can't wait to be back with her Daddy. Goodnight. ________________________
It was REALLY cold out tonight, so we pulled back out the warm halloween costume as a makeshift snowsuit without the snow to keep her warm. She liked being a monkey again :) Isn't she the cutest monkey girl?
