D Day

We are at the base now waiting for his physical to be done. Actually, he's inside waiting and I'm sitting out in the car with cheyanne waiting on him. Last night was rough. One little person decided to be quite fussy all night so I had another sleeping buddy. She slept great on me, but even with our little tricks, she woke up every time we tried to put her down. I can't blame her though. Everything is changing. For her and for us. New places. New sounds. New tensions. She is so in tune with my emotions and stress levels, even when I try to hide them. The last few days as we've been moving out of our house, we've slept on a blow up mattress in the living room. She has slept right beside us but none of slept very well. I guess last night was no different. Hotel rooms are the worst, especially with a newborn. We tried to start putting her down around 8:30 but boy she wasn't having that. Fussy fussy fussy. Around 11:30 after hours of rocking and feeding and trying everything short of curling up beside her in her carrier, I gave in and snuggled with her the rest of the night. Unfortunately that didn't leave much space for daddy and mommy snuggle time. Sigh. She has learned that all she has to do is smile or laugh at me and I melt, which leads to more awake or getting what she wants time. Oops. I can't help but smile back at her, even if it is one o'clock in the morning. We were up this morning at 4 to be downstairs and ready to head to base at 5:45. I don't think the giant slept at all, but he says he got a little shut eye. I don't believe him. anyways, sorry this is all over the place, but I think you can understand. I am bracing myself for what's to come in the next few hours. How do I say goodbye to the man I love? How will I be able to get through the next two months with what I've been told will be two phone calls less than five minutes long? How will I be able to provide our daughter with the best first Christmas when her daddys not there to partake in it? And most importantly, how do I hold it together in front of him when he leaves so that his heart does not break more than it already is? I'm going to do my best and that is all I can promise. Lordy I already know my three hour drive home will be the longest drive. I keep reminding myself, this is the life we signed up for. It won't be easy but its the best thing for us. The best thing to provide for cheyanne. Please cheyanne just sleep on thelong drive to nana and skippers house. Mommy is going to need a little time to get herself together to be the best mommy and daddy she can be.

Quick update at 11:30pm. I heard from him and he made it safe. I got to talk to him on his bus ride to base until they got to the gate. He sounded positive. Nervous about what to expect on the other side of the gate and very tired fro his long day but good. We actually got to use our new phones "facetalk" feature so I got to see him one last time. Man my husband is one good looking fella. Unfortunately for him, I couldn't hold back the water works which have been nonstop all day. Ugh there goes my keep it strong front. I really hate that his last vision in his head of me will be swollen eyed and red nosed. Beautiful. Ok i am top exhausted from this indescribable day and since cheyanne is asleep, so should I. Goodnight blog. And goodnight my love. See you in my dreams. I'll be praying you through the night to get a good nights sleep. Tomorrow starts a brand new chapter of our life.