Wish I knew

why I'm feeling the way I am. Nights are the worst. During the day, I'm usually fine. No, more than fine. I'm usually feeling great. I enjoy playing with my baby. I hang out with my mom. I work on little projects. I am good. But then it seems, as soon as I lay the baby down to sleep, I fight my emotions. I guess sad is the best word to describe this feeling. Stressed. Heavy. Lonely. Just plain sad. I try not to be. I don't know what really brings it on. I think its when I actually have time to think to myself. When I want to just tell him about my day or about little girl's day, but I can't. Instead I write it all down. I write it to him, as if he were here. I keep myself and my mind busy all day, saying little prayers throughout the day for my husband, but then at night, I hit a lull. I'm not trying to say "Whoa is me" or anything like that. I'm just realizing this trend though. Nights are hard. I'll be fine, but just at this moment, I'm lonely.

But of course, I can't stay lonely long because I have this little face to keep me company!





Did I tell you however I got 15 minutes of fast talking on Sunday with my Husband? I don't think I did. Well Sunday he called! We got 15 minutes to talk. It was the greatest but fastest 15 minutes. Apparently, the Air Force is now required to give all recruits one phone call a week as able, ranging from 1 minute to 15 minutes. They earn their minutes throughout the week. Thus we got all 15! I had a list of discussion topics ready for whenever he called. Things that I needed his input on first, then we were able to just catch up. He is doing really well. He is in the highest position in his flight,"dorm chief," responsible for all of the other recruits. This is great, but a HUGE responsibility. And unfortunately, with this position comes a lot of attention, positive and lots of negative. Anytime a recruit in his flight gets in trouble, so does he, since he is ultimately responsible for them. That keeps him very stressed. Physically, he is at the top of the flight, which we expected. But, he said the hardest part for him now is all mental. I think it is harder on him psychologically than he anticipated. And he is averaging about 3-4 hours of sleep a night, so that doesn't help. I don't know if he was trying to sound positive just for me or not, but I could tell how tired he was and how much he missed us. That part of the conversation was hard on both of us. He told me to be sure to thank everyone who has sent him notes and cards. That has been so wonderful for him. He said it such an encouragement and to please keep them coming. Even though he doesn't get much time to read them or write back, he said it is so greatly appreciated. SO thank you! I don't know who all has, but it means the world to him and me too to be so supported.

I will be fine, I have no question about that. I just had to write out how I am feeling tonight. Tomorrow's a new day. And tomorrow, I'll wake up like I do every morning, say a little prayer for my husband to have a successful and safe day, and thank God for our little girl that can't wait to be back with her Daddy. Goodnight.
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It was REALLY cold out tonight, so we pulled back out the warm halloween costume as a makeshift snowsuit without the snow to keep her warm. She liked being a monkey again :) Isn't she the cutest monkey girl?