I think I need

a dream catcher. Maybe that will stop these horrible nightmares I've been having for the last month. After having a conversation on this subject earlier today with my mom who knew exactly how I felt, I thought I'd share and see who else has these kinds of fearful dreams. The kind of dreams that leave you so traumatized that it stays with you for years, or in my mom's case 40 years. I think I will be in the same boat in 40 years with these doozies. I can't remember the last time I woke up feeling good about a dream. Let's see. The most "famous" ones aka the ones that habitually shows up lately with the same overtone just with different plot lines, I am at basic training with the Giant and it is very clear I don't belong. Exhibit A, I am running PT and my BDUs (pants) keep falling down or my entire dream will be me running sprints along the length of a field with a drill sargent yelling in my ear the entire time...non.stop.the.entire.dream, or (oh this is a good one) I'm there with my daughter in tow trying to find my husband while training and being yelled at with her in my arms. Or my non-military dreams, for example, I am loading the car after shopping and forget that I put the baby carrier on the roof (why on the roof I have no idea). I (as I'm sure you can predict) then drive off with her on top of my car. This horrible dream has actually reared its ugly head so much that I now unconsciously check the backseat as I drive to make sure my baby is indeed back there. Hmm perhaps I should interject this thought and make it very clear that I in actuality have never and will never put my baby on the roof of my car. So there is no confusion here. These are just dreams people. No social services ringing my doorbell please.

So, do you have a dream that has stuck with you through the long haul, despite any attempts to forget it?  Its funny, I bet the Giant is having the same nightmares of being yelled at by instructors nonstop. Oh wait. That is his reality right now. Poor boy.

Speaking of the boy, I heard from him on Sunday! And yet again, he worked his ass off all week to win another 30 minute phone call. I am so proud of him! I told him that I would not be upset if we don't get another phone call like this, my attempt to take off any pressure he might have put on himself to win those calls. But, between you and me, I am so full of crap. I LOVE my phone calls with him! I know I'm getting "spoiled" with my 30 minutes a week call with my husband. I've already gotten more calls from him than we were warned we'd have before he left. I try so hard not to get my hopes up just in case he doesn't get to call, or maybe he's had a bad week and doesn't have more than a minute to talk. So far, none of that has happened. My fingers are crossed so tight, I think the blood flow is being restricted. He is doing so well! His job is very demanding and he's still getting a lot of slack for his poor performing squadron, but his spirits sounded better. He talked on and on about how many letters he has been getting and how much he enjoys reading them. He explained how they get mail so I thought I'd share in case you are interested too. (I like to get visuals of everything he is doing). So, everyday, they all have to sit in a large room on the floor with their eyes down. (Side note: they are never allowed to look their instructors in the eyes). The instructor stands in the center and calls out names and throws the letters in front of them. He said the best part of his day is when he hears his name called. And apparently, he has been averaging 2-3 letters a day. Not a single day has gone by without a letter for him. Awesome! You all are the best friends that anyone could ask for! So, they have to earn "letter time" meaning time to actually read their mail, which apparently, his squadron has not been doing. He said it ranges from 1-5 minutes most days. That sure doesn't leave him much time to actually read or write.

His job as dorm chief gives him a lot of added responsibility, which continues to increase. He reports back to his commander every night on his squadrons performance. He is at the top of his squadron. Then he has 4 guys underneath him to help him manage his squadron. Then there are all the other trainees in the squadron. He is having the hardest time with squadron moral. He said that because many of the guys are younger and immature, he is a little lost on how to motivate them to work as a team. How do you motivate someone who doesn't seem to want to be motivated? My question to that of course is, then why in the world did they join? Our military is a voluntary entity. Why would some young kid who doesn't want to get told what to do join something where for the next 4-6 or more years, your one job is to do what you are told to do? Doesn't make sense to me at all. So I sympathize with his frustrations. Yeah, patience and understanding...not my strongest virtues. Of course though, that's why I'm at home tucked in my bed missing my husband, instead of having the roles reversed and it be me lying on a bunk bed spending my days getting yelled at, motivating 50 individualist young men. No not me.

So, anyways, that's part one of my update. I'll find the energy at some point before what I hope is next Sunday's phone call to give you the other vigorous details. I know you are dying to hear (slight sarcasm here). I am exhausted, and yet I am in no hurry to jump into whatever dream is waiting for me on the other side in sleepyland. Will it be boot camp again? Missing baby? Something new that my mind hasn't even come up with, something that will keep me up for the next 40+ years? Awesome.

Goodnight my friends.

This is Cheyanne's new way of sleeping. She covers her face. And yet she cries in the morning with her "in shock" cry that she can't see when she wakes up.